saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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