My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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