Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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