Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Randomize
