can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
