K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
