What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
