im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
