I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Is it penis luge time yet?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
