Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
