we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
