Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
