Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
