he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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