I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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