He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
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If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
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Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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