And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
