He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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