don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
