And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
