oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
