I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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