Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
