Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
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