paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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