well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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