it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
How external is "for external use only"?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
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