Where did you get a picture of my penis
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
