cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Randomize
