I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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