can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
