It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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