I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
