maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Randomize
