i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
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haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
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To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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