I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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