Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
