Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
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On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
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Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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