I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
