so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize
