Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
