I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
