I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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