She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
