He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
