i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
