Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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