I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
