bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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