The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
