I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
