The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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