i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize