I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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