opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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