My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
