I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
