Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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