Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Did we literally take a cab across the street
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
