Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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