trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
