I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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