i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
