accomplished twins. life is a go
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
