do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Randomize
