My brain says no but my pants say off.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
