I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
