Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
