not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
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