I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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