is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
