i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
