she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
